December 9th, 2024 – Day 195 – My Strength

Today we are moving out of our Orlando home. Carlos, my nephew, and I bought this home together. It was a process of spiritual exploration for both of us. We grew and changed so much while at 158 Buckeye, but now it is time to move on.

In the shadow of change I felt lonely. I tried to reach out to a few people in an effort to scratch that itch, but it just wasn’t working. I just couldn’t feel better. I decided to just take a moment and sit in my cozy chair.

Curled up and feeling safe, I explained to God how I was feeling. He reminded me that He was there to listen to me and to guide me. A perfect friend with undeniable wisdom who loved me more than anyone else was there every day, at every moment.

I thought about that for a good 15 minutes in silence. Why did His relationship with me, His conversations with me seem to not be enough? Why did I need more?

I still don’t know an answer to this. Prayers are welcome to help me discern.

Thank God, I lost that battle, and our conversation started. God and I ended last night with a 1-hour long conversation. Just talking. I felt so centered and calm. I felt so loved and protected.  I felt so forgiven and understood.

This morning, I felt lonely again, but it was a bit different. I didn’t feel weak.